The AP Chronicals: Story of the Akatsuki's Whore
by RedSand
Summary: Deidara has a lot of boyfriends, but he wants to narrow it down to one. Who will he choose? Itadei, madadei, Hidadei, Sasodei, lemons, yaoi.
1. Prologue

"Hey Deidara…" Kakuzu called from across the hallway as the blond walked towards the Akatsuki base exit.

"Un? What is it Kakuzu-sama?" He replied, the miser slowly approaching him.

"You know, if you were to charge them I could find you some nice clients, we could become buisiness partners, interested?" The banker asked, earning him a quick punch in the face.

"SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE UN!" The bomber shouted before angrily stomping out while groaning to himself.

Why oh why did he have to be the Akatsuki's whore? I mean, just because he has four boyfriends, Madara, Itachi, Hidan, and Sasori, that isn't too bad right? These thoughts and others plagued him constantly. And it wasn't any secret either. In fact, all of his boyfriends knew about each other, and it didn't seem to bother them. Sometimes though the whore jokes got a little too much, but what's an uber-uke like Dei to do? I mean, each has specific benefits…

Hidan was partnered with Kakuzu and immortal, meaning he could steal the string-nin's money to take him out and get away with it. Plus he was an animal in bed. Nobody fucks with Itachi, and he's so infamous being on his arm meant no one fucked with you either. He gets the least amount of whore insults when with him, not to mention he's a beast in bed. Madara has power, he's the damn Mizukage after all, meaning what you wanted you got. He, too, is a monster in bed. And Sasori…

Well, Sasori needs his own paragraph. He's great, an artist who actually seems to give a shit about him. Not to mention the redhead is the only one to ever give him blowjobs. Plus, with an army of mind controlled subordinates it made for getting targets for his bombs easy, not to mention he rarely had to leave the base very far to get the necessities. And Sasori… he's a _god_ in bed.

So with all four guys, he just couldn't choose. But maybe it was time too…

'That's it Deidara, you need to choose one un!' He thought, suddenly finding himself in the training grounds.

Then a devilish idea that could only be cooked up in a crazy uke's head came to him--

"I'll secretly rate them un!" He mumbled to himself gleefully. It was simple, throughout the next week he'd secretly rate all of his seme's and at the end of the week he'd choose one!

He tossed off his cloak and aimed at the target with his scope, then pulled out some clay and molded it into a kunai shape.

"This'll be easy un! Now what to rate…" He thought before tossing the knife into the human shaped target's chest.


	2. Day One: Sex

Deidara threw another clay kunai into the last target, struck it in the head, and chuckled a quick katsu before it went up in flames.

'There we go un, now to celebrate…' He thought before slinging his cloak over his shoulder. 'Have some dango, take a quick shower, then get to bed. Tomorrow I'll start rating the guys, but on what…' He thought before stopping and leaning against a tree. But suddenly he felt uneasy, like he wasn't alone…

"Hey blond." Itachi purred into his ear before pressing him against the tree with his body.

'Or maybe I can start rating them today…' He thought as Itachi's mouth latched onto his neck.

Itachi sucked and nibbled on the sensitive skin while slowly grinding his groin into his rear, forcing a few small moans from the blond as well. He slowly kissed upwards until he was nibbling on his earlobe and wrapped an arm around his waist, pressing it into his shirt and slowly sliding it up to his chest and to his nipple, tweaking with the small bulb to excite the blond more.

"Mmm, Itachi-san, stop all this torture and take me…" Deidara moaned as the raven ran his nipple through his fingers.

"Eager little slut aren't we?" Itachi replied before taking a step back. "Fine, that was enough foreplay anyway."

He grabbed Deidara by the shoulders and pushed him behind a big rock, the blond landing on his hands and knees. A second later Itachi dropped to his knees behind him and pulled his pants down to his knees. He reached down and spread his cheeks before slowly licking the blonde's hole and forcing a moan from him. He began kissing the hole, his mouth latching on and his tongue pressing in, the bomber practically screaming his name.

"Enough of that." Itachi said before dropping his own pants to his knees and thrusting his cock into Deidara.

"Ahh Itachi un!!" Deidara moaned as the Uchiha undid his ponytail and pulled his hair back.

His free hand gripped onto his waist as he began thrusting faster, the blond moaning as Itachi's cock slammed into his prostate. Deidara began bucking into his seme, their thrusts meeting perfectly.

"Shit, I think I'm gonna cum soon…" Itachi groaned as he began putting all his strength into fucking the blond.

"AH!! NOT YET!!! NOT YET UN!!!!" Deidara screamed in pure ecstasy before the weasel finished hard inside him.

Itachi pulled off and sat up against the rock they were leaning against, panting and about to fall asleep. Deidara laid in the grass before pulling his pants up and getting on his knees. He gave Itachi a quick kiss on the forehead before wobbling towards the base with his cloak still slung over his shoulder.

'That was fucking amazing un, but he's so damn fast, and he never considers me…' Deidara thought to himself. 'Whenever he learns to hold his cum he'll be number one in bed un…'

He steadied his walking and went into the Akatsuki's kitchen, ready to get some dango before finding another boyfriend to fuck him. He opened the fridge and pulled out some of the dumplings, the great cook he is deciding to microwave them. Just as he was about to punch in the amount of time he felt a strong arm wrap around his waist.

"Hey there bitch, guess who's horny?" Hidan's voiced breathed into his ear.

'Damn un, rating them today's gonna be easy…' He thought as he felt his pants and boxers drop to his ankles.

The Jashinist bit hard into his neck, hard enough to draw blood and lap it up. This was nothing new to the blond though. Hidan transformed into his skeletal self, his pale skin growing black with the bones all over. The "hardest" bone of them all growing until it was pressing against the blond. Hidan turned Deidara around and boosted him to the counter before pushing him back and shoving his pulsing cock into his hole. Itachi's heavy dose of cum got him pretty lubed up already, meaning Hidan's cock could easily slip in. Hidan didn't waist time and didn't take it easy, he fucked the same way he fought.

He began fucking him unmercifully, going as hard and fast as he wanted and nearly breaking the stone nin in half in the process.

"Ahh! Hidan! It's so fucking great un, so fucking great!! Fuck me harder un!!" Deidara moaned, gripping onto Hidan's shoulders as the masochist gripped him by the waist.

"I'll fuck you as hard as I want bitch!" Hidan chuckled before grabbing Deidara's chin and planting a hard kiss on the uke. He forced his tongue into his mouth and used it to play with the bomber's, all this stimulation proving too much for either of them.

"Ahh! Hidan!! CUMMING!!! UN!!" Deidara shouted before blowing his load across Hidan (who luckily wasn't wearing his cloak) and the masochist could only groan before giving his last thrust.

"Not inside you, ya slut!" He moaned before pulling out and grabbing Deidara's hair. He pulled his head down to his cock and came onto his face, luckily his hair still covering his scope. "Hehe, not so bad right bitch?" Hidan asked before licking some of his seed off of his uke's face before walking off.

'Well, he's fucking great and can make me cum at least…' Deidara thought before walking towards the bathroom while wiping cum off his face. 'But he's so rough and sadistic too, comes with being a Jashinist I guest un. Now, just for Madara and Sasori no danna and I'm done for today. Better take it easy tomorrow, I'm gonna be really sore un…'

He walked into the bathroom and tossed his cloak onto the floor before grabbing a towel. He took off his shirt and pants before starting the shower and letting the water warm. Finally he removed his scope, headband, and boxers and stepped in. The warm water flowed over him and washed the cum off of his face and out of his hair, making him feel a little better. He grabbed a bar of soap and began washing himself when he heard the door open. He looked over when Madara stepped into the shower, only wearing a devilish smirk.

"Hello there, my little whore." He purred before grabbing Deidara around the waist. His hair, like Deidara's, began going down and sticking to his neck and back as the water flowed down him. "You know what to do."

Deidara dropped to his knees and began stroking Madara's cock until it was semi-hard, then began sucking. Madara had a thing where he would only get rock hard if it was sucked, no matter what. The Uchiha began bucking his cock and gripped onto his blonde's head.

"All right slut, that's good." Madara said before pulling Deidara off of his cock and helping him to his feet. Madara grabbed Deidara by the waist and pulled him into a deep kiss, the blond wrapping his around Madara's shoulders and kissing back.

Madara pushed his tongue into his uke's mouth and used it to explore the crevice filled spot, Deidara releasing moan after moan into his mouth. They broke the kiss and Madara lifted the blond up and pressed him against the wall. He latched his mouth onto Deidara's neck and thrust his cock into his ass, forcing a small moan from him.

"Uh, Madara un, harder…" Deidara moaned as Madara was slowly thrusting into him. The older nin began thrusting deeper and harder into his uke, forcing loud moans and whimpers from him. He began driving into him faster, Deidara leaning his head against the tile wall as Madara continued to leave love bites all over it. One of Madara's arms clung to Deidara's back as the other began stroking his cock, making the blond pant hard along with his moaning.

"Well babe, inside or out?" Madara asked while taking a short break from Deidara's neck.

"I-in u-un…" He moaned. Madara knew that, but liked to mess with the blond anyway. Deidara knew there was nothing like a hot blast of cum on your prostate, and wanted it bad.

"Alright whore!" Madara shouted before cumming hard inside the bomber and forcing one last loud moan from him.

"AHH! MADARA-SAMA UN!!!" He cried before cumming on Madara's chest. They both fell to the shower floor and let the water wash away their cum as the met in another passionate kiss.

Deidara shakily got up when the kiss ended and exited as Madara showered. He toweled off and redressed, realizing he got nothing he wanted. No dango, no shower, just a lot of sex. But at least he was rating his boyfriends now. He wandered back into his and Sasori's room and plopped down on the bed, the puppet master sitting at his work bench working on his puppets.

"Danna un?" He asked, wondering if he'd even noticed him.

"Hmm? What is it?" He replied, turning around to face him.

Deidara smiled and struck a small seductive pose, ready for his last test of the day. And after Madara, Sasori'd better be DAMN good.

"Do you wanna be my only boyfriend to not have sex with me today un?" He asked, Sasori smiling back at him and walking over.

"Well now, neither of us want that." Sasori said before crawling on top of Deidara and planting a deep kiss on him. Deidara wrapped his arms around Sasori's back as the redhead pushed his tongue into his mouth and used it too play with his. Deidara put up a little resistance, but Sasori playfully fought it back before breaking the kiss. He latched onto his neck and sucked and nibbled on the sensitive skin while lifting his uke's shirt up. He pulled it over his head and began kissing down his chest, leaving a small trail of saliva and red marks across his milky white skin.

'Oh damn… It's like danna's the only one who wants me to feel good too un… Or maybe he thinks I like the others more and he's making up for it… Uuunnnn…' Deidara thought to himself as Sasori latched onto his nipple and began sucking while softly biting. The puppet master kept sliding down until he reached his bellybutton and began using his tongue to tease the little hole.

"D-danna un… stop… stop teasing me un…" Deidara muttered as Sasori pulled his pants off of him.

"Oh really?" Sasori said, slowly pumping Deidara's cock, a smug grin on his face. "You want me to stop teasing you huh?" He asked before taking the blonde's hard length into is mouth.

The blond gasped and began moaning as Sasori slid up and down off of his cock, slowly bringing him inch by inch closer to his release. He released and teased the head with his tongue for a moment before undoing his own pants and tossing them off the bed. He planted a small kiss on his uke before staring into his eyes, and realizing he'd been used for sex by all the others today.

"Dei, how do you want to?" Sasori asked, confusing the blond.

"Huh? What do ya mean danna un?" Deidara questioned back.

"How do you wanna fuck tonight?" Sasori asked, this time his bomber getting the idea.

"Oh… uh… I dunno danna un… Can I ride you?" He asked, sick of his normal routine of just taking it. Sasori nodded, grabbed Deidara by the sides, and flipped them over so he was on his back with the blond on him.

Deidara got on his knees over the puppet master's groin, Sasori gripping onto his sides as he lowered onto his cock. He let out a soft groan as the redhead's length slid inside him and rested his hands on his Danna's stomach before slowly sliding up and down on him.

"Ahh… danna un…" He moaned as the scorpion gently thrusted into his. Soon Sasori quickened the pace, forcing Deidara's moans to get louder and louder, the blond thrusting back into his seme harder. "Give it to me harder un…!"

"Ahh… Dei…" Sasori moaned back, thrusting harder and deeper into his blond as he rode above him. "You're such a sexy little slut…" He breathed, Deidara choosing to ignore it and keep riding his danna's cock, going as fast and hard so the redhead's cock would drive into his prostate.

"D-danna un…" He moaned, feeling the coil that was his orgasm tightening inside him. "Not much longer… gonna cum… gonna cum!!!" He shouted, riding harder as Sasori could only groan and grunt back.

Sasori went first, cumming deep inside the blond and forcing his orgasm out of him, some of his cum shooting across his chest and the rest spilling onto his master. He collapsed over onto Sasori's chest, the redhead wrapping his arms around him and placing another kiss on him.

"I dunno what of Madara's and Itachi's and Hidan's I'm kissing right now, but I don't care either." Sasori said before rubbing small circles into his back.

"Thanks danna un." Deidara replied before kissing Sasori on the forehead and finding a comfortable spot to sleep on. "Sometimes I think you're the only one who cares un…"


	3. Day Two: Date Night

Deidara slowly awoke next to Sasori, smiled, and crawled out of bed. He got dressed, yawned quietly, and headed out the door towards the kitchen for breakfast. He sat down and looked around the room, noticing Zetsu, Madara, Itachi, and Pein. Madara gave him a quick wink and smile and Itachi stared into his toast.

'Alright, need to choose who won last night un…' Deidara thought while leaning back in his chair. 'Itachi… no. He's a fuckin' firecracker un, hell no. Hidan's, hehe, an awesome fuck but damned if he wasn't thinking of himself the whole time. Danna, well shit it was a fucking contest not a see how much you can care contest un. Nice sex but I like it a little rough… hmm…' He thought before looking over at Madara. 'He was so good… and so hot… I wouldn't mind another hot Madara fuck right now un…' He thought. He flashed the Mizukage a quick seductive grin, licked his lips and waved to him before getting up to get his breakfast.

"Madara-sama, you were the greatest last night un." The blond purred while pouring a glass of orange juice.

"You were pretty good yourself blondie." Madara chuckled back, Itachi staring at the elder Uchiha with a bit of jealousy painted on his face.

'Ok, Madara one, the others zero un.' He thought before sitting back down with his juice and toast. 'Since we got sex outta the way I think going out would be nice to rate them on… and since Madara won last night I think he should get to go first un.' He thought before finishing his toast and juice.

"Hey Madara-sama, lets go out for breakfast un." The blond offered, the elder Akatsuki nodding and standing up.

"Why not, we could go to Kiri." He said before standing up and walking to his uke. Deidara took him by the arm as he led them out of the base and outside, where Deidara quickly made a clay bird. "Wait a moment lover." Madara said before making some quick handsigns and then being shrouded in a puff of smoke. When it cleared he was wearing the robe and hat of the Mizukage, which would probably come in handy.

"Ooh, you look good in that Madara-sama." Deidara purred as he and his seme climbed on.

"I always thought so, thanks." He replied as the bird took off towards Kiri. Since his birds can be as fast as he wants and he has three other boyfriends to take out he needed it to go as fast as possible without he or Madara falling off. They reached the mist city in good time, only taking ten minutes. They landed outside and left the bird, the Mizukage and his blond bombshell entering Kiri arm in arm, people stopping and bowing as Madara walked by.

"Mmm, I love the kind of respect we get Madara-sama." Deidara said as they entered into the Mizukage's mansion.

"Yeah, dating a kage has it's advantages. I don't see why you're seeing the others too." Madara offered as they climbed the spiral staircase up to Madara's room. On a balcony overlooking the city there was a little table with two chairs, seemingly waiting on them. They walked over and sat down, a moment later a jounin popping up with a pad of paper and a pen. "Now go ahead, anything you want is yours." Madara said, Deidara thinking a moment.

"Anything? Ok… Ice cream and French toast un!" He happily exclaimed, that being his favorite breakfast which he rarely got to enjoy.

"What flavor?" The jounin asked in an annoyed tone, knowing there were much better things he could be doing.

"Caramel fudge, and lose the attitude un!" Deidara scowled, the ninja rolling his eyes as he wrote the order down.

"For you, Mizukage-sama?" He asked, Madara staring at Deidara with lust in his eyes.

"Can't you see the tasty morsel I already have?" He said, a small blush creeping onto Deidara's face. "I'll skip breakfast today."

"Alright, I'll be back in a moment." The ninja asked before poofing away.

"That's an odd breakfast Dei… But you're an odd man and that's what turns me on." Madara said, making Deidara blush a bit more.

"It's my favorite un, and I never get to have it cuz we never have any at the base…" He said, looking down to try and hide his blush.

"Hmm, I'll see to having that changed babe, don't worry." Madara purred as the ninja popped back.

"Ok, French toast and caramel fudge ice cream for the blond, any thing else?" He said in an obviously faked happy tone.

"That'll be it, And no disturbances for the rest of the morning, got it?" Madara barked, the ninja bowing and disappearing. "It's ok babe, you can eat and we'll talk when your done. He said, returning to his sweet voice as he noticed Deidara staring hungrily at his food.

"Thanks Madara-sama un!" He yelped as he attacked his food with a force and won. He ripped through it as Madara watched, trying to figure out if it was cute or barbaric. In record time the plate was empty and Deidara leaned back, wiping the syrup and ice cream from his mouth with his sleeve.

"Wow… I don't think I've ever seen something like that before…" He chuckled, Deidara merely smiling.

"I always eat like that when it's my favorite un…" Deidara giggled, full and thinking maybe Madara would win twice in a row.

"You know, you shouldn't be seeing those others. They're nothing compared to me, a zealot, a puppet, an emotionless killer, they don't deserve you." Madara purred, Deidara looking away again to hide his blush.

"Un… but I still like them Madara-sama…" Deidara mumbled. Was he right? Was all this contest for nothing and he was meant to be with Madara?

Suddenly the ninja who'd served them popped into the room, holding a kid by his collar. The kid was dressed in rags, and shaggy black hair and couldn't have been older than nine or ten.

"I'm sorry Mizukage-sama, but I caught this stupid brat sneaking around the mansion again. What should I do with him?" He asked, Madara suddenly getting really pissed.

Deidara stared at the kid, thinking about his years as an orphan, how much the young boy reminded him of himself, being called a brat and being dragged around.

"Stupid fucking brat ruins my date…" Madara mumbled under his breath. "Finish this problem once and for all." He ordered, the kid starting to scream before the ninja pulled out a kunai and slit his throat.

"I'll go dump the body, I apologize for the interruption Mizukage-sama." He said before leaving, still carrying the boy by his collar.

Deidara watched in horror, ready to throw up after realizing the kind of guy this boyfriend is. He slowly stood up and stumbled out, Madara trying to apologize as he did. He ran out of the mansion and the village, straight back to his bird and flew off. Once he was a good distance away he leaned over and vomited, sickened that the man he considered leaving the others for would kill a child just for interrupting him. He soon reached the base, and stopped his bird outside, ready to use it later. He walked inside and went to his room, ready to lay down and relax a little after his Madara business.

"Hey Deidara." Sasori said while working on his puppets. "I thought you and Madara went out for breakfast?"

"We did un. It didn't go well." He replied before plopping onto bed.

"Sorry babe. You wanna go out later?" he asked, turning around to face the blond.

"Hmm, lets go now danna, wherever you want un." Deidara said while sitting up.

"Alright Dei, I heard about an art gallery, would you like to go visit?" Sasori asked, walking over to the bed and picking the bomber up bridal style.

'Something we'd both love, consider yourself in the lead danna!' Deidara thought as he wrapped his arms around Sasori's neck. They shared a short kiss before Sasori let him down and they left the base. They passed Zetsu standing outside of Pein's office, and they plantman began giggling at them.

"_**Hehe, where you two goin'? You and the others finally having an orgy?" **_Black Zetsu asked, White Zetsu snickering but staying quiet.

"Shut it asshole! My and danna are going out un! When's the last time you and anyone went out huh?" Deidara angrily asked, Black Zetsu scowling and walking to their leader's office. "Man, what a dickhead un." Deidara muttered before he and Sasori left the base. They got back on his bird and flew towards a near city.

"Mmm, your hair smells so good Dei." Sasori breathed into his ear as he slid a hand up his shirt, the other holding onto his waist as Deidara piloted the bird.

"Danna, cut it out un, I need to concentrate!" Deidara giggled as the puppet nibbled on his ear. 'Shit, and I was gonna leave him for Madara, I'm such an idiot un!'

The bird slowed and circled around the city before stopping inside, right outside of the art gallery. Deidara jumped off and helped Sasori down, the two ready to enjoy some time together. They entered the gallery, and Deidara immediately ran towards the sculptures.

"Slow down and no destroying them!" Sasori called, trying to catch up with his uke.

"But danna un!!" he whined, slowing down so Sasori could loosely grab him by the arm and keep him in check.

"No buts, you break one and we're gonna be chased outta this village with pitchforks and torches, and I can't have my Dei getting hurt." Sasori said, proving a point to the blond. Sasori seemed to be the wisest of his boyfriends, and always pointed out things he didn't think about first.

"Un…" he moaned as they walked threw the gallery. Every time Deidara saw a beautiful statue he was nearly drooling and mumbling katsu, ready to tip it over but knowing Sasori would never let him. "Danna can't we break just one? Just one little one un? They'd never ever notice un!" Deidara pleaded, people around him starting to stare.

"Fine brat, you can break one, just one, then we're leaving got it?" Sasori barked, Deidara gleefully nodding.

"Thanks danna un!!!!" Deidara wailed before sticking his hand in his clay bag. He had his handmouth mouth eat some, pulled it out, and began sculpting. He made a tiny scorpion and sent it towards the biggest statue, and began making handsigns as Sasori walked behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Now hurry up, all this art is turning me on…" He huskily whispered into his ear, starting to turn the blond on too. He shook off the thought of Sasori fucking him raw as the building burnt down around them and excitedly yelled the detonation word.

"KATSU!!! UN!!!" He yelled, the scorpion exploding and taking the sculpture down, and clearing away a few other sculptures on it's way. Everyone in the gallery began running, and Sasori grabbed Deidara and carried him out. He threw the blond on his bird and climbed on, looking around for potential guards.

"C'mon Dei, get this thing home!" Sasori ordered, Deidara hurriedly taking off and flying back towards their base. They landed and walked back to their room, giggling the whole way. "Well babe, I'd love to spend more time with ya but I gotta get some work done, so go ahead and hang out with someone else, sorry." Sasori said as they reached their room. He gave the blond a quick but passionate kiss and walked in, Deidara so happy positively nothing could bring him down. 'Damn, that was great un! Now who's next… Lets go with Hidan, un.' He thought before wandering down the hall. He walked up to Kakuzu and Hidan's room, knocked on the door and waited for his masochistic seme to answer.

"Hidan, it's me un!" Deidara called when no one answered. Suddenly the zealot broke through the door, Grabbed Deidara by his ponytail and pulled him into a teeth breaking kiss. A moment later he had the blond pinned against the wall and kissing back, hands gliding across each other as the kiss became more passionate and Hidan's tongue pressed inside of Deidara's mouth. The priest grabbed Deidara's legs and one after the other lifted them and hooked them around his waist, moving to start kiss his neck while grinding their crotches together.

"Hmm, afternoon bitch." Hidan moaned as Deidara could only gasp and moan, their cocks growing harder and harder together.

"H-Hidan… I was hoping maybe you and me could go do something un……" Deidara managed to moan, Hidan letting off and letting his uke down.

"Sounds fun, and I already got something pretty fuckin' destructive in mind, interested?" Hidan said, Deidara giggling and nodding. "Good, there's a little village east of here, get your bird ready and we'll leave." he finished before walking back into his room.

Deidara fixed his hair and cloak and started on his way outside, running into Itachi on the way.

"Hey blond." He breathed as they passed, though Deidara wasn't done yet.

"Hey Tachi-san, wanna go out tonight un?" Deidara asked while grabbing onto the weasel's waist.

"Sure, I had something planned but you can come along." Itachi said before pushing the blond off and walking away. Deidara continued outside and waited by his bird, Hidan soon walking out with his scythe on is back and his chest exposed as always.

"Alright bitch, get that thing in the air and I'll navigate!" He yelled before walking over and jumping on, followed shortly by Deidara. Deidara piloted and Hidan barked orders, until they were circling over a small village. "Ok, now guide this fucker into something big and be ready to jump!" Hidan yelled, pulling out his scythe.

"What?! You said you had something planned, what is it un?" Deidara asked as they continued circling.

"Yeah dumbass, we're gonna destroy the village and kill everyone in it!!" Hidan shouted, Deidara getting the idea and piloting his bird down into a building. Once it was only about a yard away he and Hidan jumped off and Deidara began making handsigns. It crashed through the building's wall as Deidara yelled katsu, the entire structure going up in flames. "Alright Jashin-sama, this one's for fuckin' you!" He screamed before charging at a group of people with his scythe. As his boyfriend mowed down groups of civilians Deidara used his handmouths to eat some of his clay. While Hidan drew attention to himself the blond made a small army of clay spiders, and ordered them to protect him and the zealot from any attackers. He pulled two kunai out and ran to the Jashinist, helping him slaughter the village. Soon some guards came charging at them, katana drawn, but as Hidan turned around to attack the rock-nin's spiders jumped out, latched to a guard a piece, and tackled them down.

"Here's the fun part Hidan, un! Katsu!!" He yelled, the spiders exploding and taking the guards with them.

"Yeah! Other than that hot body and smokin' ass of yours, that is why I'm your fucker!!" He yelled before groping the blond. They went back to killing, and once the streets cleared out Deidara knew it was his time to shine. He ordered his spiders into smaller buildings, and quickly made some birds for the bigger ones. "Don't worry about blowin' the shit outta all of them, just make an example of this place." Hidan finished before standing next to his uke.

"Hey Hidan, why are we destroying this place un?" Deidara asked as his birds flew across town.

"The other day I was walking through, some asshole bitch fucker told me Jashinism is a lie. I told him I'd bring my boyfriend and we'd destroy the entire village, he laughed and called me a fag. This outta teach the bastard eh?" Hidan giggled, Deidara giggling back before making handsigns.

"Yep, we'll teach him un!" Deidara said before katsu. It was already dusk, and the fires seemed to light their way out of the village. Once at the entrance Hidan stopped his blond.

"Hold up a second, you wanna ride back home?" Hidan asked, Deidara nodding and reaching in his clay bag. Hidan grabbed him and hoisted him up piggyback style and walked towards home. Deidara held onto the masochist's shoulders and wrapped his legs around his waist as he held onto his pendant and used his scythe as a walking stick, while silently praying. When he was done he handed Deidara the scythe, who took it and held it overhead as he was carried home. "Hope you don't mind carrying it, I know it can be heavy as shit." Hidan said, though the blond already knew and rested it on his shoulders. He grinned and let his ponytail down, only to fix it back in a normal ponytail style. He then dipped his finger in the blood resting on the scythe's blade and rubbed it from just below the corner of his eye diagonally down to his cheek.

"Hey Hidan, who am I un?" He giggled, Hidan looking up and laughing back.

"Hah! I dunno, is he an emo little prick who mopes around like a stupid little weasel fucker?" The zealot answered, both he and Deidara giggling as the blond fixed his hair and rubbed off the blood. "You know blondy, I really liked this. For some reason or another I don't wanna be an asshole to ya, for the moment, just enjoy it, ya know?" He added.

"Un, kinda. You know, and don't let the others know, you maybe be one of my favorite boyfriends Hidan." Deidara said while resting his head on Hidan's.

"Hmm, thanks blondy." Hidan said before they approached the Akatsuki lair. Itachi was waiting outside, and the young Akatsuki giggled as Deidara was let down.

"Hey Itachi, ready to go un?" Deidara asked while walking towards the weasel.

"Yeah, try and keep up." He said before leaping off, Deidara trailing close behind. They leapt through the forest at high speed, Deidara wondering where they were going until he remembered that time Madara took him for a meeting… with the Hokage.

"Itachi, are we going to Konoha un?" Deidara asked as the jumped into a field and began sprinting through it.

"Mmh, I got some… surveillance to do." He said, a slight hint of annoyance in his voice. They slowly sped down in a forest just outside, and Itachi eyed the entrance to the city. There was only one guard, and he looked bored already. The raven and his uke walked to the door, Itachi stopping and using his Tsukiyomi on the guard. Once he dropped the two entered and began walking through, the streets mainly empty since it was already midnight. Soon enough they'd wandered into a section of town that seemed abandoned and had the Uchiha fan all over the place.

'Damn, that stupid golf tee's all over the place, where the hell are we un?' Deidara thought, a little scared of the Uchiha ghost town. Suddenly two voices, one passionate and one reluctant, could be heard from around the corner. Itachi ran towards it, Deidara slowly following behind. There was a chain link fence, and past it two teens, one pale with straight black hair and the other's hair a tad bluer and pointed, like a ducks butt.

"Sasuke, why do you wanna fuck here?" The paler boy asked as the naked boy above him kissed his neck.

"Why not Sai? Now c'mon, don't you want my…" Sasuke said while kissing lower down his chest.

"Y-your what?" He asked, one hand moving over his head.

"My _penis_." Sasuke moaned, Sai perking up and pushing his head lower.

"Itachi un! We came here to spy on your little brother having sex?!" Deidara asked, Itachi on his knees with his fingers locked onto the fence.

"Hmm, thought maybe you'd enjoy a live show." Itachi moaned, one hand coming off the fence and slipping into his pants.

"Itachi, you voyeuristic incestuous weasel un!" Deidara barked, Itachi letting off the fence and pushing Deidara towards it. He grabbed on and bit his lip, trying not to let out any sound. He suddenly felt Itachi's arms around his waist, and his pants drop to his knees. "Hey! What gives un!"

"You don't like the show, so I'll make this worthwhile for you." Itachi said, leaning down and pushing his thumbs towards his hole. He spread his cheeks and stuck out his tongue, and began slowly licking the blonde's small hole.

"Mm, Itachi un… That's good…" The blond moaned, a moment later the raven's tongue coming off, and one of his fingers poking in. "Guh! What are you doing un?!" He yelped, Itachi's finger already thrusting into him.

"Hmm, don't tell me you aren't enjoying this." Itachi said as his finger twisted around, driving deeper into the blond with each thrust. He let his free hand glide up Deidara's shirt and tweak his nipples, the blond breathing heavily and keeping his hands held tight onto the fence. The weasel began licking the back of Deidara's neck and earlobe, easing him as he pushed another finger in.

"Mm, Itachi… C-cumming un… Cumming…!" Deidara moaned, a moment later erupting and sending streams of cum against and through the fence.

"Now, all this excitement's gotten me horny, lets get back to the base." Itachi said, picking the blond up bridal style and pulling up his pants. Deidara only yawned a quick un tried to get a quick nap in before date night finally ended.


	4. Day Three: Personality

Deidara awoke, naked and Itachi's arms wrapped around his waist. Judging from the immense pain in his ass They had either fucked numerous times or Itachi forgot to pull out and still had his dick inside him. It wouldn't be the first time. He reached back and felt himself, then learning it was just lots of sex.

"Hey Itachi-san, I'm gonna go now ok un?" Deidara whispered to the sleeping Uchiha, who slowly nodded and released him. He redressed and walked out, trying to figure out what to rate his men on today. But, and maybe it had to do with the butt hurt, he couldn't think of a single thing. 'Maybe I should ask someone un…' He thought, before the perfect person came to mind. He walked down the hallway and towards Pein's office, looking for Konan to help him out. When he got there all he saw was Pein working on some paperwork, and no Konan.

"What do you want Deidara?" Pein said without looking up at the blond.

"Oh, uh, I was looking for Konan, Pein-sama un…" Deidara mumbled. He never really felt secure around Pein for some reason….

"I sent her out on a mission. What do you need. I'm sure I can help." The pin-cushion said before stacking his papers together.

"It's man troubles un, I don't think you can really help…" Deidara whimpered before turning around to leave.

"Take a seat Deidara, maybe I can." Pein said while finally looking at the blond.

"Well, I've been judging my boyfriends secretly for a couple days, and I can't think of what to rate them on today un…" He said, sitting I front of his desk and slumping into it.

"So what have you judged them on so far?" Pein asked, Deidara suddenly blushing.

"Um… where they take me out and… sex… un…" Deidara mumbled, and looked away to hide his blush.

"Hmm… what about personality? It seems you've only rated them based on physical things so far." Pein said, Deidara realizing his leader was right.

"Oh… well… can I talk to you about them un?" Deidara asked, Pein closing his eyes and nodding.

"Well, Madara is a bit controlling but hot, rich, awesome in bed, powerful, and he does care for me a lot… Danna is hot, sweet, we have differing views on art but I respect his un… Hidan's fun, hot, rough but knows what I like… and Itachi's hot, mysterious, controlling… They all have good parts and bad parts un…" Deidara finished, Pein thinking for a moment over the bomber's predicament.

"Well, it sounds to me like it could come down to either Sasori or Hidan. Madara and Itachi don't really sound 100% into you. So I hope I was of some help. That'll be all." Pein said before waving the blond off.

"Oh, ok Pein-sama un…" Deidara mumbled before walking back to his room. Luckily Sasori wasn't there, so he got a chance to think things through more thoroughly.

'Okay un, good parts and bad parts… Madara first. He is rich and powerful, but he's mean and treats me like arm candy half the time. He killed that kid just like that… I think he just wants me for sex un… Danna is a skilled artist and cares for me un… but I don't think he respects me too much… Hidan… Hidan is cool and all but sometimes I think we'd make better friends than lovers… and Itachi, well he's mysterious and powerful but half the time doesn't even think I exist un…" He thought, lying back in his bed. 'I think, when it comes down to personality, Danna is the winner… un…'

He stood up and walked back towards Pein's office to thank him again, though when he arrived he found it empty. He stepped inside and heard what sounded like three different people talking in the back bedroom that Pein had. He walked and pushed the door open a crack, to see Pein and Zetsu, both out of their cloaks, arms around each other's waists.

'What the un?' He thought, getting down on his knees to get a better angle.

"C'mon Pein, it's been like a week since we got any…" White Pein purred before latching onto his neck

"Ahh… well… I guess… but only if you split in half first…" Pein moaned, Both Zetsus giggling.

"**Well when ya put it like that, **how can we refuse?" They replied, stepping back and slowly splitting apart. After a moment they grew into two full Zetsus and reproached Pein, forcing him to his knees and smiling down on him. "Now get to work." White Zetsu ordered, Pein grinning at his topless semes before rubbing their crotches through their pants. After enjoying their groans for a moment he undid their pants and pulled their cocks out, finishing getting them hard before licking black Zetsu's. He began pulling back and forth on their cocks as he tickled Black Zetsu's head with his tongue, the cannibal groaning and leaning his head back.

"What, he gets all of that glorious mouth of yours?" White Zetsu asked, Pein immediately switching to him, licking his hard cock from base to tip, his tongue piercing tracing over one of his veins. "That's a good bitch…" White Pein groaned, his hand gripping onto Pein's head and forcing his cock into his mouth.

Their leader sucked W Zetsu's cock quickly, running his tongue all around the pulsing organ before He pulled the pierced man's head off. "Now suck him…" W Zetsu ordered, Pein nodding and suckling the base of B Zetsu's rod.

W Zetsu walked behind the Ame nin and lifted his ass up so he was on his hands and knees, one hand helping balance and the other on the base of B Zetsu's cock as he deepthroated him.

"U-Un…" Deidara groaned, his stiff cock in his hand, slowly stroking himself as his other palmmouth sucked his nipple. He had no idea why two crazed cannibals fucking his leader turned him on, but it did dammit, it did.

"Get ready bitch, here it comes!" White Zetsu groaned before getting on his knees behind the pierced nin, then thrusting his hard dick up Pein's ass. Pein moaned hard against black Zetsu's cock, the dark cannibal getting on his knees and grabbing a handful of his leader's orange hair. W Zetsu gripped onto Pein's waist and rammed into him, forcing B Zetsu's cock down his throat. White Zetsu stared at his black self, grinning before stabbing their leader again, B Zetsu groaning as W Zetsu started a quick rhythm against Pein.

"**Damn, you're a good cock sucker Pein-sama…" **B Zetsu groaned as he pulled Pein's head against his crotch, The Ame nin sucking and licking his thick black cock as W Zetsu pounded his ass. Pein reached around with both arms and gripped onto B Zetsu's ass, thrusting him deeper down his throat.

"Un… fuck him hard…" Deidara groaned, his hand tongue licking the head of his cock as his other hand stroked, still on his knees and wondering what it's like, taking and sucking…

"Heh, you think his mouth's good, you should try his ass out! It squeezes your cock so good…" W Zetsu groaned as he continued his assault on their leader.

"**Yeah, but his tongue piercing running all over everything… shit it feels good…" **Black Zetsu mumbled, still gripping to his leader's head.

"God, I think I'm gonna cum! Wanna do it at once?" W Zetsu asked, going all out on Pein.

"**Don't be an idiot, we always cum at the same time!" **B Zetsu laughed back, pulling Pein's head down his cock so his head remained in his throat. Only a few seconds later the three came, Zetsu filling Pein's ass and throat with cum and Pein cumming onto the floor.

"U-un!!" Deidara groaned before cumming across his hand and the floor, a minute later putting his cock away and walking back to his room.


	5. Day Four: Jealousy

Deidara awoke with a smile, having a lovely dream about his little peepshow the day before. 'Now what to test the boys on today un…' he wondered, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. 'Maybe jealousy un… It would make some sense, but how…' He let his mind wander from idea to idea, trying to pick a good one to gauge the reactions of his lovers. 'I got it un!' He thought before getting up. He changed into his normal clothes and left to find his first seme of the day. He saw Itachi walk into his room and followed him in, immediately noticing a lack of Kisame.

"Hey Itachi-san un, mind if we talk for a bit?" He asked in an innocent way. Itachi gave his trademarked grunt and nodded, sitting down on his bed and motioning the blond to sit with him. "I was thinking that maybe I should see the other guys a bit more un. Not stop seeing you, just... well, less un." Deidara said after sitting with the weasel. Itachi immediately placed his arm over Deidara's chest and forced him on his back onto the bed, his hand holding a death grip on his chest, all while holding his calm demeanor.

"What was that slut?" Itachi asked, Deidara only whimpering. "You should know better than to be that stupid with me. Now, I want you to rephrase that." Itachi added, tightening his grip as his hand slowly crawled towards his throat.

"I-I'm sorry Itachi-sama, I didn't mean it un!! None of the others matter more than you do un!!" Deidara shouted, Itachi releasing him.

"That's what I thought. Now get out of here before I lose my temper." Itachi grumbled before Deidara scurried out.

'He loses he loses he loses he loses he loses un!!!!' Deidara thought as he staggered around the base. 'But I have to keep going, gotta test the others un…' He finished as he approached Madara's office. He strolled in and noticed Madara sitting at his desk. "Hey Madara-sama un!" He greeted with a smile.

"Oh, hey Deidara, something up?" Madara asked, lifting his head to face his uke. Deidara took a seat in front of the Akatsuki's leader, crossed his legs, and hoped for a better, reaction than his relative.

"Madara-sama, I was thinking that maybe I should start seeing the other guys more and you a little less, un." He offered with a smile. Madara smiled, then began laughing to himself, confusing Deidara a bit.

"That's a good one slut, like you could really spend time away from me and my cock! Let's face it, you crave my huge dick, don't you?" Madara said, folding his hands and resting his chin in them as he smiled at his blushing uke.

"Sh-Shut up un! I don't need your… huge…" Deidara couldn't finish. 'Fuck! I'm getting turned on un!!" He thought. He looked up to notice Madara on his knees on his desk, his hand in his pants obviously stroking himself.

"Now, time for you to show how sorry you are!" Madara laughed before pulling his hand out of his pants and shoved his index and middle finger in the clay manipulator's mouth. He blushed a little as Deidara began sucking his digits, his skilled mouth running all around his fingers as he lightly thrusted them in and out. 'Kami… if he knew how turned on I am right now…' Madara thought as he pulled his fingers out. Deidara let out a little protesting yelp but Madara quickly undid his pants and pulled his fat cock out.

"Madara-sama un… it's so big…" Deidara moaned as he grabbed the base and began licking the head. Madara let out a deep groan as Deidara's tongue flickered across the sensitive head, and buried his hand in his blond hair as he began sucking the head. As the stone nin ran his tongue around the head and slowly sucked deeper Madara pulled on his long hair and groaned the blonde's name.

"Damn slut, you're such a good cock sucker, only you can get me this hard…" Madara moaned as he pulled Deidara's mouth to his groin, the blond eagerly swallowing his cock down his throat. "Fuck… I'm gonna cum soon… down your throat or on your face, it's up to you…" Madara groaned, holding back as long as he could. Deidara pulled off slightly so only half of Madara's cock was in his mouth, and stroked until Madara let out his final groan and fired his seed into Deidara's mouth, who greedily swallowed every drop.

"Madara-sama… un…" Deidara whimpered as he sat back and Madara went back to his seat. Madara tucked his manhood into his pants and leaned back, before addressing his worn out uke.

"Now, I do believe you were saying you weren't going to spend time away from me, right?" Madara asked, Deidara slowly nodding. "Good. That'll be all whore." Madara finished before starting on some paperwork. Deidara shakily got up and left, a little sad he had no willpower and also a little happy. He walked into Hidan and Kakuzu's room, his immortal seme resting in his blood circle with a pike in his chest.

"I'm busy Deidara, make it quick." Hidan grunted. Deidara walked in and knelt beside him, unsure if this would work or have similar results to Itachi. "Well Hidan, I was thinking of maybe spending more time with the other guys and maybe… a little less… with you, un…" He muttered, deathly nervous about the reply. Hidan merely smiled a little and looked over at his uke. "Well, I don't own you or anything. You're your own man Deidara, and I'll miss you when you're not around, but it's really up to you." Hidan said before shutting his eyes. "Back when I was growing up there was a ritual that required maybe twenty or thirty guys to pike themselves and fuck all day nonstop. It got fiery and passionate but hey, we knew it wouldn't last for fucking ever. Point is I get it. Go on ahead, I'll be fine." And with that wisdom Deidara walked off.

The last seme of the day was his danna, who he hoped would be as understanding as Hidan. Or at least like Madara… He walked into his room and noticed Sasori working on his puppets, which usually put him in a good mood. "Hey danna un?" He asked, Sasori replying with a hmm and a brat. "I was thinking of maybe seeing you a bit less and the other guys a bit more, un." He said, sitting on his bed. He suddenly felt himself standing up and walking towards the redhead, then bending over so his ear was next to the puppet's mouth. "Say that again brat? Didn't quite hear you." Deidara should have realized that a puppet master would react sourly to this. "Oh… nothing danna un… never mind I said anything, hehe…" He choked out, a little sweat drop rolling down his head as he feigned glee. Sasori licked the salty bead, whispered a quick "good" and released the blond, who fell to his hands and knees.

He crawled back to his bed and laid back to gather his thoughts. 'Well danna, way to fuck up. I guess its Hidan two, Madara one, and danna one.'


End file.
